A NEW Ninja

A new ninja has finally risen to the challenge of watching every good and awful and noteworthy thing on Netflix. Yep, I guess that’ll be my awful first impression to you readers. For the rest of the school year, I’ll be watching any movie from any genre and talking about it.

Really, I’ll watch anything. Action, adventure, horror, drama, documentaries, comedy, fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, even romance. Okay, I’ll probably only watch romance movies for Valentine’s Day, but still.

A movie for your consideration:

Thelma & Louise

As I’ve  heard countless references to this classic (well, 90’s) flick, I just decided to finally watch this movie and get over it. For those of you who’ve never seen the movie and apparently don’t have IMDb right on your phone (I use this app almost religiously), Thelma & Louise is about two ladies who head on a road trip and get in some pretty deep trouble right away. They’re then on the run from a bunch of cops, committing a bunch of crimes, and we even have a young-and-shirtless Brad Pitt scene. This was his first big screen appearance and it made an impression.

The movie was great. The humor, the charming characters, and the waitresses’ facial expressions all kept me alive while watching. If you’re into comedy, drama, or seeing what committing murder does to people; you’ll probably like it. The acting was pretty good and didn’t get too cheesy, and there were a few interesting twists. The ending was, um, different, but it didn’t take anything away from the movie, so it was good. If you don’t watch the movie and you’re still reading this review, please feel free to tell your parents that you were “out driving like Thelma and Louise.” Those who’ve actually seen the movie will get it.


This edition’s ironic movie:

The Beast with a Million Eyes

Oh my gosh; this movie! It was so bad that it surpassed “so bad it’s good” and landed right back on “so bad.” It’s from the 50’s (yeah, it’s in black and white), and it’s about a small family, their neighbor, and an alien that lands on their land. I was expecting some dramatic over-the-top alien and screaming characters, and all I got were crazy animals and a pathetic two minute alien scene.

Apparently, we’re supposed to care during the fifty minutes of the movie where the mother and daughter are arguing because they hate each other. Why, you ask, do they hate each other? I can’t even attempt to answer this question. According to a conversation between the mother and father, it’s because she “missed out on her daughter’s life,” which is a bit contradictory since the daughter only has, like, one acquaintance and a dog. The only funny scenes were when the animals went berserk. I almost cried laughing at the mother’s excuse for a fall during those parts. As for the end scene, you’ll literally laugh for five minutes or just stare at the screen and wonder why you would waste an hour and eighteen minutes like that. That’s it. There’s literally only about four laugh-worthy scenes. And there’s no actual monster with a million eyes. It’s a metaphor.



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